Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
how drunk are you?
Several
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
