Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
