I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
FUCK WHALES
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
