Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
