If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
