I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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