we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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