either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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