We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
