nutella sex= disaster
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
