I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
