sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize