$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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