wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
