I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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