Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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