Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
