The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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