12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
