Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
