My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
