I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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