the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girls should come with a carfax report
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
