I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
