Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
