i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
