Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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