My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
