It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize