YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
