we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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