he shaved USA in his pubs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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