Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
