Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
