Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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