toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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