I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
