In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
