I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
