wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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