They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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