I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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