Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
