I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
