He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
