I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
