Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please come you make the beer taste better
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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