now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
is it fun? or sober?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
