i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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