Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
