you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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