so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize