the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
