Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
