But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is Oprah even human
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
