And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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