i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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