This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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