I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
