i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
