You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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