how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
