Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
