well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize