I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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