Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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