his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
