Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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