Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
