i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
