There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
