i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
