Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
