so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
